I wish I could tell you there’s one magic bullet. One song that brings a rush of calm—and then it sticks for the rest of the season. The truth is, this time of year is really a little bit crazy… okay, let’s be honest—it’s clinically insane. Everyone is in constant fight-or-flight, trying to figure out what gifts will help everyone else get out of their fight-or-flight. All of our nervous systems are hijacked, with no end in sight.
And yet, the day after Thanksgiving, we hear Nat King Cole coming through the speakers and we’re lured back in—like an old boyfriend we love but just can’t quite get it right with. I’m the worst. I run back every time, listening to all the famous tunes, sneaking Christmas songs in days before the Thanksgiving turkey has even been purchased. I am a hopeless romantic for Christmas and the holidays, but the truth is, every year I get burned.
Why? Why do I keep going back? Why do I keep getting burned?
But maybe why isn’t the right question. Maybe the right question is what. What can I do differently moving forward so I can actually enjoy the magical season we all love?
Despite what you might think, it’s not about being better organized. It’s not about making a list and checking it ten zillion times to be sure Aunt Rita is getting the right can opener. Instead of asking, Will my kid be okay with this watch in green? Maybe we should be asking, Can I really handle all of this—and am I meant to? Why would we even think we’re meant to carry the load of getting all the gifts, preparing the dinner, and finding the perfect wrapping paper to make it look like Santa had a hand in it all? I have to wonder if the real question is: How can I pull back and still enjoy the magic of the year without feeling bad?
I’ll tell you a secret—it’s vulnerable, but we could all use some honesty. I’ve only uncovered this because I recently hit real burnout. Not the kind that comes and goes—the kind that stays with you like a new bestie who wants to share the same sweatshirt and do everything together. I hit it unexpectedly at the end of this year. I went from being a high-performing single mama to suddenly realizing my mind wasn’t present at all, and I was running on empty.
After four decades of tossing my luscious long locks to the wind, the entire front of my hair sprouted a symphony of greys almost overnight. I found myself walking around like a zombie—overcommitting to plans, flying across the country to see family with very little energy to give. Then offering to fly back across the country three weeks later… and then back again to put on the best Christmas I could for my daughter. Finally, I had to say no. Everything inside of me said a giant NO.
I want to be clear: you don’t have to be a single mom to feel these things. We all have our own version of it. And listen—I knew I’d let people down. People I love. But ultimately, what good are you if you don’t have anything left? It’s better to show up when you truly can than to collapse on the doorstep.
In a way, I’m grateful this happened. I’ve always been one to over-give, and it wasn’t until it all accumulated at once that I finally put my foot down. I put my foot down for myself (which is not my usual way). What do we have if we don’t have ourselves? We need to take care of our souls and spirits—otherwise we’re just going through the motions and not truly living our one wild and precious life.
I want to leave you with a suggestion—take it or leave it. Next time you check in with yourself, maybe ask what you can pull back on. Do you really have to make the cookies for the school bake fair from scratch with organic chocolate chips? Marie Kondo your life a little—if it’s not truly bringing you joy, put it in the giveaway pile. When something isn’t aligning, trust that it’s not the right time. You’ll show up when you’ve cultivated more of that beautiful, flammable fuel for the fire.
I wish you all a relaxed holiday season.
With love,
Erica
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